Occupational Hazard #5 - Disney Movies don't only teach lessons to children

This is the first post from the new iMac.   I almost feel cooler....  it's like I've become more blogger-ific...

Anyway, back on topic.  Disney Movies.  Being female and the oldest of 3 girls growing up, we sure had our share of Disney films.  I'm a bit sheltered when it comes to movies in general, and I've barely seen most of the "typical" movies most of the world has seen.  I'm not a big movie buff, but BK definitely is....  I find a movie that I like and watch it a million times.   I stick to what I like...I guess.

Being a mom is like that.........times infinity.  I have seen the Little Mermaid more than I'd ever like to admit.   Beauty and the Beast tunes echo in my head deep into the night.   The Chipettes and Chipmunks are part of our every day lives.    There are some days, despite what the "right" parenting book says, that those movies provide a few moments of sanity for parents.   A few moments to clean up the kitchen, feed the baby, fold some laundry or even huddle in the corner to waste a few minutes on the computer....  they're a godsend.

This weekend, I took the movies to a new level.  My sister had taken KT to see The Lion King last fall.  She was definitely more interested in the popcorn than the movie, but lasted for most of it and she really had a good time.  I really wanted to take KT to see that movie, but we were in the midst of newborn/infant colic hell (a blog that I haven't conjured up enough courage to write), so I was very thankful that my sister took her.   It was a "big girl" thing to do and it made her feel special at a time where she needed it.  The new Disney princess movie just came out on Friday.  I figured that I could stomach Brave because it was about a Scottish girl with CRAZY Fiery red curly hair, who was not the typical "princess" like Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White (yawn).  I was anticipating a Tangled type flick...(Tangled is BY FAR the best princess movie in my opinion.   It actually has some really humorous parts).  

On the way to the movie theatre, she asked a million questions.   I could tell she was excited, which made me happy.   We got our tickets and our popcorn (really the main reason she agreed to the movie), and were on our way.  We picked 2 seats in the front of the middle section, I figured in the event we needed to bust out of the joint, we had a good escape route.  After many commercials, previews and a mini cartoon, the movie started.  About 3 minutes into the movie, she had finished her popcorn and was ready to go.  It started out pretty slow and had lost her interest right off the bat.   She started to have trouble sitting still, so I asked if she wanted to sit on my lap.  She did and stayed there for the remainder of the movie.

**Spoiler alert***  (but seriously, if Disney movies hold you at suspense and you're really concerned about spoiling them, you need some other things to worry about in your life).

We're watching the movie and it turns out to be a mother/daughter struggle.  Mom wanted Merida to act like a princess/future queen and Merida had no desire to live that life or role.   Merida gets a witch to cast a spell on her mom that turns her into a bear.  The whole dramatic struggle finds them realizing that Merida was wrong to do that to her mother and her mother was wrong to put these tough expectations in place for her little girl.  

Cue the heartstring tug.....

I sit there, holding my baby girl (who was quite scared at certain parts of the movie) and thought that this was the perfect token first mother/daughter movie to watch together.   Of course, she doesn't read between the lines.   She just saw that Merida's mommy wasn't a "human being" (her words to our next door neighbors) anymore because she had a spell on her.    She just wanted the spell to be broken so her mommy could be human again.  What was meant to be a fun, mommy/daughter afternoon turned into a mommy lesson.... Mommies have an important job.  We take care of the rug rats and we go through a ridiculous amount of demands, requests, temper tantrums, highs and lows.   We mold them and do our best to make them the best kid/person/adults they can be.  However, no matter what we do and how hard we try, our little girls (and boys) will be who they are and what they want to be.   We have to let that happen.  We have to let them be their own person.   We try to guide them and show them the way, but whether or not they do it is really up to them.

Damn you Disney for making me analyze this movie.    I was set to have a fun day, full of entertainment and excitement.  Instead, it became a moment that I realized that I can only do so much and from there, it's up to her.  It was that moment that I realized that I was grateful that we picked that movie as our first, but more thankful that she's 3 1/2 and we get her to ourselves for awhile yet.  Lord help me when that time comes...    I hope she doesn't put a spell on me.  I'm thinking that I already possess some bear-like tendencies.   :-)  

Occupational Hazard # 4 - The Circle of Life - Goldfish funerals.....

As a follow up to the previous blog, less than 12 hours after the purchase of Goldie and Lost and found, I was abruptly taken from sleepy dreamland to a confused state of consciousness.

It was roughly 6/6:30 AM when KT came into our room and said, "Mommy, sumpin's wrong with Lost and Found.   He's not swimming."  I managed to mumble, "OK, I'll check it out when I get downstairs, after I wake up."  I thought that he didn't look too spunky prior to going to bed, and doubting he'd be swimming in the morning.   I wasn't concerned about this now.... it was 6:30am.  The baby was still sleeping, therefore, I wanted to be sleeping as well.

What seemed like 10 minutes later.... KT was back.   "Mommy, Lost and Found is dead.   He's not swimming."   I was somewhat surprised she knew that he was "dead," but didn't open my eyes and said, "KT, I'll check it out when I get up.   It's still night night time, and I am tired."   The reply was, "LOOK, HE IS DEAD."  I managed to squint without glasses, half awake, to see she had her hand extended to my face and in it, a dead black goldfish.

"OH MY GOD, KT, FISH STAY IN THEIR BOWL! BK, SHE'S GOT THE DAMN FISH IN HER HAND!"   He stirs from sleep and orders her to throw it in the toilet.  I scream for her to wash her hands.   She's utterly confused...."Why does Lost and Found have to go in the toilet?   Won't we pee on him?"   The mound of things that I'm going to explain is exponentially getting more difficult to handle.  She does what she's told and has told EVERYONE that "Lost and Found is DEAD" since last Friday.

Unfortunately, Goldie has followed in her brother's footsteps and was flushed Tuesday ...  She hung out with us for a few days anyway.   I haven't gotten back to the store to purchase more 24 cent pets.... At least she's taking this "fish death" well, although she somewhat finds it humorous because we all chuckle every time she blurts out "Lost and Found (or Goldie) is DEAD."

The Goldfish bowl has been cleaned and now has clean water in it.....  just no fish.

Oh to be a kid...  their honesty is brutally honest, yet acceptable.   We spend half of our life covering ourselves and not saying it like it is.....   It's actually admirable and brave.

Occupational Hazard #3 - Truth - Your kids are hysterical, especially when they don't try it

I saw a bumper sticker once that said, "I like my dog better than I like most people."   I have a dog.  Well, I sort of have a dog.  She's a golden retriever.  She's 6.  She lives with my mom, dad and sister right now....   maybe forever?  I don't know.   My pup was definitely my baby.  She was our baby.   Then we HAD a baby.....  She was still a family member, but our job situation changed and my parents helped us out.... anyway, that's not the point of this story.   Dogs are comforting and it's rewarding to have this pup love you NO MATTER what.....     life is good.  life is fun...........then you have a kid.....     for me (and I'm an animal lover, I really am), the amount that I like my kid(s) more than most people, has grown exponentially in comparison to how much I liked Stoli more than I liked people.

Today, we got two goldfish.   Last week, my sister took KT to the school where we attended elementary school.   They were celebrating their annual festival....rides, games, food, etc etc.  Apparently, they had tried over and over to win a damn goldfish, and didn't succeed.  My sister asked, "Can we just buy one?"  The kid gave her a card for 2 free goldfish at a store near our house that specializes in all sorts of fish.  I'm sure she'll be glad to know that the fish cost 24 cents a piece at the store.  I am certain she paid at least $2 per game...ha.

We had to stop by the pharmacy to pick up KT's 700th round of antibiotic eye drops first.  On our way there, she asked if we were at the fish store.  I said we had to go to the pharmacy first, and then we'd go afterwards.   She said, "I'm going to name my goldfish........ ummmmm (I thought, this should be good) Goldie."  I said, "You get 2.  Are you naming them both Goldie?"

After about 2 seconds of thought, she said, "OK, I will name one Goldie and onnnnneeeeeee Lost and Found."     I repeated it as to confirm that's what she said..... she said, "yep."  My answer was, "OK.  They're your fish."

The good thing about this pet store is that they have all sorts of animals...reptiles..rodents...cats...dog...fish, so it's almost like a trip to a mini mini zoo....for free.... well, today it was 3 cents.  We got the 2 free fish, but had to pay the tax of 3 cents..........   which of course, I didn't have 3 pennies on me.   I handed the girl my debit card and she so graciously found 3 cents on her cash register....

We were out the door....with our new friends....Goldie and Lost and Found.

Random craziness that comes out of her mouth every day has me laugh and laugh.   I have been told that I'm a funny person, but I'm more of the "sarcastic comment/quick jab/peculiar funny" type of person.

3 year old kids are a type of funny that can not be duplicated/replicated/imitated.  This type of funny is worlds funnier than someone that makes an effort or tries to make others laugh.  Their innocence is more entertaining than any comedian out there.   The challenge is laughing when it's "ok."  Sometimes, they are being so damn sincere and the fact that we burst out in pure laughter is taken as an insult....     This is how I look at parenting (thus far...anyway)

First few months --  feed/wipe/burp/bounce/rock
Infant -- fun once they start to smile/crawl/play
Beginning Toddler - So cute/so fun
18 months - hell
Twos -- They say they are terrible, but I actually enjoyed them
Threes -- a constant negotiation, exhausting, not as easy to distract, tricky, but can be ridiculously rewarding and funny at the craziest times

To see some of the other funny stuff my KT says, be sure to follow her on Twitter @k8e_kay

I don't always get to Blog about some of the stuff she says, so I try to Tweet a crazy phrase or 2 as they surface.

Occupational Hazard #2 -- I ain't as good as I once was.......

Dear Me,

Close your eyes..... let me remind you.....You are the "sporty" type.  You played softball and basketball since the age of 9 and both came naturally to you, although basketball was a sport that took you a little longer to flourish.  You've been on a number of all-star softball teams, have an extensive collection of trophies and t-shirts and championship titles.  You've got a state medal and were part of an awesome high school basketball team as a junior.

All of these things required some natural talent, but also required a great deal of time/effort to accomplish any of this.  Basketball was demanding.  6 days a week from November through March, summer leagues, open gyms and weight lifting on the off season to prepare for the next year.  You played through shin splints, broken fingers, torn ligaments in your hand and various other bumps and bruises acquired on and off the court.  Taking a charge and drawing the hard fouls were just the "fuel" needed to bump us up to the next level and excel during games.  We would dive for balls in the outfield and slide into bases as if we were on slip and slides.

We'd wear eye black and taped our shirts to look tough.  A certain color bandanna, headband or braid in our hair showed team unity and wearing socks to our knees or bright red cleats when your colors were maroon and gold or purple and gold, appeared "cool" because we could "walk the walk" and not just run our mouths.  We were muscular and tone and strong (and in the summer, tan :-)  ).  We wore 15 lb vests and ran up and down bleachers in the gym or stadium, PEP drills, suicides, 6 in/6 out, 5 on 5 transition or had our weight training coach pile on weight and weight and weight and then make us do grueling leg presses, biceps, triceps, EVERYTHING...

After the game, there were newspaper and sometimes TV reporters to talk with us.   The crowds were insane and pumped everyone up just at the right time.  We'd sign autographs for the little kids that wanted to "be like us" when they got to high school.   They'd talk about the awesome blocks in the paint, hook shots, 3 point shots from the wing, full court press, etc etc.....  or maybe a diving catch, throwing a runner out at home (Then screaming "joanie's got a gun" at the top of my lungs), hitting a game winning double, or even better, home run....

Now, do me a favor.   Anyone out there....  PUNCH ME IN THE FACE AND TELL ME TO WAKE UP AND REALIZE THE YEAR IS 2012 AND NOT 1996.  I AM 32 (soon to be thirty fricken three years old)!

Life has changed a bit since then.   You have 2 kids now.  You do not have time to spend 20 minutes a day working on ball handling skills, because kids need fed, kids need baths, kids need to play, kids need a movie, kids need puzzles, kids need to puke all over you, kids need to bounce, kids need to have lunches packed, kids need clothes washed, you get the idea.

I am not asking to have that craziness again.   It was fun when I was 16, and life has evolved into the person I am today.  Part of who I am today was formed and molded out of that 16 year old girl.   However, is it seriously too much to ask to have a fraction of these past abilities for ONE HOUR A WEEK EACH MONDAY NIGHT?


Give me wind and legs and jump shots and hook shots like the days of old.   Set up a trap, we need a cutoff person....   If people come out playing man against us, give me the ability to remember some good old fashioned motion offense.  Slide my feet, shuffle on D, hedge through screens.....

Instead, Mondays are more like:

• Our game is when? 8:30??  I just got comfortable in my sweats.   What the hell am I going to do in a few weeks when we play at 9:30.
• left handed hook.............. why the hell did I even attempt that
• fast break.....  brain, tell legs to get moving...legs aren't moving.....    they score...now I'm there.... shit,  we gotta run back the other way.
• Playing down low...in comes the ball....get ready to block..get ready to block.... she shoots, I jump..... I shoulda gone to the bathroom before I started playing the game...
• I used to have pretty good hands.......  now, not so much
• I got kneed in the ass THREE MONTHS AGO and it hurts to sit down.  So much for playing with multiple injuries and through the pain.
• I get home and still have to clean up the house, take out the trash (got lucky today, hubby was home this afternoon and did that for me), put monsters to bed (Grammy got them down for me tonight though), pack lunches, shower and do something with my hair so I can look presentable for the next morning.....
• When KT comes to the games with me, half of my time on the court is trying to rebound and half of it is trying to listen to her from the bleachers.   She needs to go to the bathroom or she's thirsty and needs a drink.....   Sit down kid, Mama needs to box out.
• I wear my arm band to look cool.............. I look like a dope.... a dope that can't make a jump shot and is wearing an arm band.
• We say "it doesn't matter that we don't win..........we're having fun." That's typically the stuff that comes out of the mouths of people that don't win anything.  ha.   We do still have fun though.

What's funny is that I feel like I work harder now....I never get a second to waste any time while the kids are awake.  When I finally get them to sleep, I should be doing other stuff, but I'd rather waste time............ making myself stress out tenfold when things aren't done and I need to feed kids or get out the door in the morning......  

So, the moral of this story is that my body must take heed to this advice and let me have 1 hour of glory a week..........the rest can go to my kids, my job, my husband, my house....whatever.  Just let me think that I'm still tone, still strong, still athletic and still have a clue.........   

Love, 

Me

Occupational Hazard of Parenting #1 - You're not as smart as you think you are

Through all of my education, I was on the brighter side when compared to a lot of kids.  I had some honors classes here and there, and for the most part, made honor rolls, Dean's Lists, etc etc.  I didn't graduate college with honors, but looking back, I probably should have done so if I had exerted even a bit more effort.  Anyway, the point is, I'm a relatively intelligent person in comparison to most of the population...or so I thought.

The other day, KT started talking about caterpillars and butterflies.  I figured that it was because we have been reading "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" nightly.  I purchased that book for BG, well it came with butterfly shoes that I felt she NEEDED to have, since they had butterflies on them.  KT still thinks that everything in the house is hers, and BG is too young to care, and I figure by the time she does care, KT will be over the book.  Anyway, KT said, "The caterpillar goes into his criss-uh-liss and then he turns into a butterfly."  I responded, "huh?"  She said it again....  I chuckled, "Haha...I think you mean cocoon."  She said, "Ya, but it's a criss-uh-liss."  Since I was not interested in debating with her, I agreed.  Even when she's dead wrong, there's no debating with her anyway.

I almost made this "KT statement" my status update on facebook...or contemplated posting it on KT's Twitter account.  I like to use both forms of social media to share with others the craziness that we get to hear every day from KT, but also as a way to document it for myself.  (Incidentally, KT can be found on Twitter at @k8e_kay).  I thought that it was funny that she came up with this "criss-uh-liss" word when trying to say "cocoon."

Fast forward to this morning (probably close to a week later), I was listening to the morning news as I straightened my hair.  They talked about a butterfly exhibit in Hershey that is opening this weekend.   They had a representative from the facility who explained the butterfly's life cycle.   I heard,  "blah blah blah 2-3 week life expectancy as a butterfly....blah blah blah... chrysalis"   

My jaw hit the counter.   Of course, chrysalis.   She wasn't making up a word for cocoon.....it actually WAS a word.   Now where the hell did she learn it?   

Welcome to my world.... 1 block away from insanity.

I've had several blogs over the years and really find that blogging is a therapeutic ritual that is good for getting out some of those feelings you may or may not otherwise verbally express, and it's a great way to document occasions/events/etc of one's life.  It turns out that when I had all of the time in the world to blog, and did so frequently, I had the tendency to write (very wordy, drawn out) blogs that really weren't noteworthy at all, quite frankly.  Nowadays, I've got and overabundant amount to report/document and I have no time to do it.  I'm planning to make a point to at least dedicate some time to this each week, with hopes that I can at least have something to chuckle about in a few years, when my head finally comes to the surface, and my kids can feed, bathe and do things for themselves.  No doubt, that even though some days, I long for all of that to happen, so I can just sit myself down, have a beer and talk to my friends.............. when it does happen, I'm sure that I'll miss this crazytown.

I have 2 daughters.  KT is almost 3 1/2 and is my wild child.  She has been my little love from the second she was born and is probably the funniest person that I know.  She's downright crazy with some of the things that run through her little mind.   She's definitely pretty witty and has learned that there's not much better in the world than to make someone laugh.  She's known for her love of music; her favorite songs now are:

• "Moves Like Jack" - Maroon 5
• "A teeka too"  - Saving Abel (Addicted)
• "All the Single Ladies" - Beyonce
• "Poker Face" - Gaga
• "Green Tractor" - Jason Aldean
• "It's a Sunshine Day" - Brady Bunch
• "Washing my Blues Away" - Zac Brown Band (not sure what the name of this song actually is)
• Virtually any Imagination Movers song (but right now, we're stuck on "rock-o-matic").

The thing that stands out with KT even more than her musical interests, is her fashion sense.   This kid is either going to be the next top model, or a tragic mess of a person.   She's not happy unless she's in fancy shoes, a dress (if it's warm enough outside), or a tutu/leggings combo.   While she's at home, most often, you can see her in a "night ground."  I don't think she realizes that nightgowns are for sleeping, since most nights she'll change out of the nightgown to put on pj's when it's actually bedtime.

She has been, so far, a creature of habit.   Routines are best for KT....certain plates for certain foods, certain cups, certain tv shows, books before bed, etc etc etc....  Maybe a little OCD, but I'm a creature of habit too, so perhaps that's where it originates.   

When she's not changing clothes 10 times an evening or dancing to music, KT can usually be found talking to one of her imaginary friends.  Sometimes, her friends are fictional characters, like Ariel or the Imagination Movers, etc etc.....  Other times, they're just plain old made up.  I don't even know where she gets some of their names/stories.   A few weeks ago, a "shark girl" was on our swing set.   We had to play with her and hug her b/c she was sad.  Her mother was dead.  How does a 3 year old even say these things?   She surely doesn't grasp this concept at all.  Last night, she was playing with her pet rockfish (it's a rock painted like a fish, that she got from our neighbors).  She asked me if I liked her Rockfish, that can't swim because he has no tail.  I said that I liked him and she said, "well you can't have it b/c it's my sister's rockfish.  His name is Rocky."  I asked what her sister's name was and she said, "Ta-wawa."   Typical.

When I was pregnant, we asked KT what we should name the baby.   Without thought, she said "Butterfly Green."  From that moment on, the baby was known as BG.  Even though her name does not have those initials (even though I tried), she's pretty much still known as BG, at least when I type.  BG was born on the day of the "100 year flood" in September 2011.  She's almost 9 months old now, but it was ever so fitting that she was born in such a storm.   

We walked into the hospital just before 8 AM and she was born 9:29 AM in a fury.  All went well, but there were no time for drugs/epidural/pain meds, ANYTHING.  They barely got my IV in my arm.  After BG was here, I was given 3 ibuprofen and finally got my hospital bracelets.   Gee thanks for the pain killers.

To say the next few months were crazy, is an understatement.  My husband travels most days during the week for his job, so adjusting to life with a toddler and a baby was overwhelming enough.....   when you have a baby that did nothing but scream while she was awake, could not tolerate her car seat/car rides, screamed after every single bottle, could not be rocked/in a swing/consoled in any way, it's pretty intense.  I'm not completely sure how I survived it.

Fast forward a ton of anguish and almost 9 months, and you get a smiley, adorable, curly headed BG.  She's starting to army crawl and now can go from crawling to sitting and sitting to crawling.  She's had numerous setbacks and definitely has taken her sweet old time to hit her milestones.  However, she's not "behind" and we're working to overcome some of her "issues."    More that I'll get into later, because they each warrant their own blog entry.  ha.

Looking at my girls, now 3 1/2 yrs and 9 months, I can see the fun and crazy times that are in store for us.  Hopefully, this blog can reflect some of that, and add a touch of humor to the insanity we all go through as mommies and daddies.