Occuptional Hazard of Parenting #8....Kids say the darndest things, at the damndest times.

We all know that it's part of the gig.....   crazy things that kids say/do at the worst (or arguably best) times.   KT sat and rolled and crawled and walked early....   she was probably on the "average" side or slightly less when it came to words/speaking/conversations.   Who needs to talk when you can whine and point?   When you're the only kid/grandkid on my side of the family, and you're cute, the world is wrapped around your finger.  I remember reading things on facebook and in blogs about funny things their kids would say and do when KT was around 1.  I was really excited for those crazy/funny things to pop out of her mouth.....   It's a classic case of be careful what you wish for....

CUSSING:

Ah, so those that know BK and me probably cringed at the thought of the two of us being parents when they've heard the stuff that we've said.   BK is a truck driver, I'm a daughter of one.  Enough said.   After being around my cousins for a weekend, I seriously have to detox before I can enter any sort of professional setting, because lord only knows what the hell is going to come out of my mouth.   Thankfully, on the first day of my current job, we had a sales meeting and the F bomb was dropped about 5 times in the first 20 minutes or so.   Glad to know that's an acceptable word, when used in the right context at my job.  :-)

Anyway, I've really roped in the cussing around my kids.  Well, I thought so anyway.  KT makes it clear that I (well, her daddy probably more so) :-)  tends to slip up and forget on occasion.  Thankfully, these offenses have been minor and pretty infrequent;  quite an accomplishment if you ask me.

• Christmas Day, 2011.   My parents house.  Getting ready to sit down for dinner.   BK and I are all sorts of frazzled between xmas and KT being excited, too many gifts in such a small place and a 3 month old  miserable baby full of colic and reflux.  BK was either telling a story or something wasn't working right and out of his mouth came, "GOD DAMNIT."   KT was in the next room, sitting at the table, waiting for dinner.   "GOD DAMMIT, DADDY.   GOD DAMNIT."   My mother just looks at me.... so does my dad....   Merry Christmas! 
• Our former next door neighbors (the awesome ones from the previous blog) take KT to Friendly's (i.e. "the cafe") and one night they were on their way there and KT busts out in the back seat, "What the HAIL?"  Apparently, when she says hell, she gets a southern accent.   Definitely makes me look like the model parent when people are nice enough to take my daughter out for some Mickey Mouse pancakes.
• Before BK was off work on back surgery, I was having one of those crazy nights.....  BG was a fussy kid, the place was a wreck, I was hungry, but KT wanted to play out back on the swingset and wanted me to push her.   I could feel myself getting completely stressed out by the second and I blurted out, "KATIE!..... and then I stopped" She looked at me, and shook her head and said, "Jesus."   I am sure she wasn't praying either.  She totally finished the sentence for me...  I had refrained from saying it out loud...   sigh.

IN PUBLIC:

There's nothing like being completely humiliated in front of complete strangers that makes you appear like the most negligent parent ever.

• BG has been seeing a neurologist for her torticollis (another blog entry) since she was 8 months old.   Our office visits there are pretty long and the last time (after her MRI checked out OK), I took both girls myself.  I had my cell phone and iPod ready for KT to play with during the wait.  I tried to keep her from thinking about how bored it was and answered her million other questions (another blog, coming soon) asking me about the skeleton and skull and brains and princesses and whatever else passed through her little head.  Finally, the Dr comes in, sits down and says "So tell me about any progresses, issues, findings since our last visit?"  He barely got the last part of visit out of his mouth, when all of the sudden........  the loudest fart (I hate that word too, but writing breaking wind or passing gas doesn't cut it for this story) comes from the 3 1/2 year old beside me.   Not only was it a 6 on the Richter scale, it went on and on and on and on and on.......    I just sat there.  The Dr. just sat there.   After the quake, and about 15 seconds (seemed like hours) of silence of both of us pretending Katie didn't do what she did.  I finally mustered up enough courage to say, "Well, BG is crawling now and is using her left arm more and more each day."      Mortified.
• Around the same time as the visit to the neuro, I decided we needed to go to every KMart within a 20 mile radius to find this green butterfly outfit that my cousin just got for her newborn baby as a baby shower gift.   I failed miserably and kind of think that it wouldn't come in her size anyway  after further investigation (and visiting 4 KMarts).   While we were looking for the outfit though, we managed to find a few tutus and some other various odds and ends.  After doing my best to dodge any aisles with toys, and listening to KT's pleads for candy, lollipops and whatever else we saw between the tutu aisle and the cash register, I picked the closest cashier.  The only thing that would help me right now is 2 kids, strapped in car seats and not riding around trying to kamikaze dive out of the cart.  I happened to glance up and saw our cashier, long 80's hair, lots of make up, big hoop earrings, pearl necklace and I thought wow, she's tall.   She was a good bit taller than I am (and I'm 5'10").... and had a LOT of stubble.   We made eye contact.   I panicked.   I have no problem that this man is full out cross dressing and working at KMart.   I panicked because my 3 1/2 year old with NO filter was in the cart.   I immediately started to sweat profusely and couldn't change aisles because I didn't want him to think I didn't want a he/she as our cashier.   I just handed KT my phone and hoped that she wouldn't pay attention.   He (he had a male name on his name tag) said hello to me and commented to KT how cute she was.   I could have puked (again, only because I had no idea of what was going to come out of her mouth).  She looked up from her game to show him something on her "phone."  She said, "Look, my phone has........." and held her phone up and didn't finish the sentence.   She just stared.   I started to talk to her to distract her from the situation and finally she said, "Are those earrings?"   I am pretty sure he heard.   I changed the subject, got our receipt and made a dash for the car.   We got in the car, and were there for about 5 minutes when she finally said, "Mommy...why was that man at the store wearing makeup?"   I was so happy that she waited till we got into the car and I said, "I'm really not sure, KT."   She said, "Well, he's a boy and boys don't wear makeup mommy.   Girls wear blush and eyeshadow and lipstick."   My answer, "I know they do, KT.   Do you want to listen to one of your songs?"  Whew...dodged that bullet.
• Less than a month ago, I had the girls and took them to BJ's to get BG's formula.   It was a quick trip, in and out -- for my sanity and wallet.    We got up to the check out and I chose the line with an older lady as a cashier.  She was really nice and said hi to both girls.   She was missing quite a few teeth.   She started to ask KT a few questions and was interrupted with, "Did the toof fairy come to your house and give you money when you lost all doze teetf?"  I couldn't get "KT!" out fast enough.   Fortunately, the lady was super nice.   She said to me, "Oh honey, that's OK.   She doesn't mean any harm.   She doesn't know any better.   I love kids....I raised 7 myself and you'll never believe some of the things they'll say."   I tried to distract her.  "Well I am gonna brush my teef, so they don't fall out.   But when I get big, my baby teef will come out and the toof fairy will come visit when I go to sleep."  Yes KT........    got it.   
• While we were in IL over Memorial Day, we got the girls baptized.  We left PA 7pm on Friday, drove all night long and got to IL at 5AM (6 our time).   The kids were great in the car; they slept the whole way.   When we got to IL, they were ready to go and we just wanted to sleep, but that didn't happen.   After 11 hrs in a car, and a new environment and no nap, I was not sure how church at 5pm and baptism right after Mass would go.   KT flipped out because she was wearing a dress that had buttons on it.  We had to be quiet in church and she didn't like that either.   It was their first time in Mass, and it was pretty obvious.   BG slept most of it, so I was thankful for that anyway.   When it was time to Baptize the girls, we moved closer to the Holy Water.   KT protested, "I'M NOT GETTING THAT ON MY HEAD!"  That's how the Baptism started, and it went downhill from there.   While we were praying, Father started to talk about the history of Jesus and John the Baptist, etc etc.   Father looked at KT and said, "KT, do you know who Jesus is?"   She looked at him, scowled and said, "NO!"   Awesome....    Father said, "Well, he loves you very much."  Katie said, "NO.  I don't know him!"   It was seriously all I could do not to laugh...what else could you do?   This was my punishment for waiting till she was 3 1/2 years old to get her Baptized.   At that moment, I realized why this is done while the baby is still a newborn....and asleep.
• Our next door neighbor always had reddish hair with some blonde highlights.   One day, she decided to dye her whole head blonde.   KT wanted to visit, so we walked over and saw Mac standing outside.  She wanted to see Steph, so Mac let her go in the house.   It wasn't even 2 minutes and KT came back outside and said, "Mommy, I want to go home."   I thought it was unusual, since most days we couldn't peel her away from their house.   Steph came outside and pointed to her hair and mouthed, "She doesn't like it."   I asked KT what was wrong.   She said, "Steph's hair is black.  I don't like it."   (she used to get black and white mixed up).   I laughed and tried to explain what the heck was going on, but she wasn't having it.   She finally stopped telling Steph she didn't like her hair after a few weeks.   

Her new thing is to call us by our first names.   The other day, my mom was over and KT said, "Where's Blake?"  I answered, "He went to..... did you just call Daddy, Blake?"   She said, "Uh, yes..... dat's his udder name."   

We were making dinner later that night and KT was looking at the computer and then looked up, "Joan, I can't get this to work."   WTF.   I'm pretty sure I didn't even know my parents' first names until I was in school.

I am sure there are many that didn't come to mind right away....... and I'm sure they'll only get more interesting as time goes by.....    I have to admit, although some of me is mortified when she says things, a small part of me just wants to laugh hysterically and give her a high 5.   That's the best part about being a kid.   You can be BRUTALLY honest and totally get away with it.   

For more profound words from KT, you can follow her on Twitter, @k8e_kay

Occupational Hazard #7 - Mommy can't fix everything

When I started this blog, it was meant as a way to document funny stuff my kids said/did.  Things that I could not have predicted to be part of my life 5-10 years ago.   Things that mortify me, crack me up, exhaust me, annoy me, satisfy me about being a mom.   While I've got ideas for funnier things of which to write, this blog hit me the other night as I was on my way to basketball.

A group of friends and I play basketball on Monday nights (our season is now over, but will resume again after the holidays), and this is a night for us to get out of the house and pretend we're not old, pretend we're in shape, pretend we are still cool and to NOT stress about the day to day things that clog our brain.   It's a welcomed night out and sometimes is more stressful to actually accomplish getting out of the house depending on what else is going on, but I'm glad to be a part of it...even though our team is terrible.

Anyway, this is my night to NOT stress about being a mom and to let loose and have fun.  I knew we were playing a tough team and I had to get my head on straight on the way there.   Sure, it's summer league and meant for fun, but these teams are no joke and I have fun either way, but I have *more* fun when I play well too.

I just couldn't do it.   I couldn't get into the game.  I couldn't get "mad."  Even my teammates noticed that I was apprehensive and aloof.   My mind was preoccupied.   My brain was working OT trying to find a way to "fix" a problem.   Katie watches the Imagination Movers and their job is to come up with a solution to their "idea emergency."   They make it look so simple.

When we lived in our last home, we were plagued with the worst next door neighbor on the planet.  Inconsiderate, rude, overbearing, you name it.   OK, so maybe she wasn't the worst, but she sure as hell wasn't pleasant.   It was hot and cold with her.   There were times where we'd be cool, but that was always something that would change at any time, for any reason.

After we had a contract on our current house, we literally drove by every day.   Most times we'd just keep passing through, but sometimes we'd park on the driveway and swell with anticipation.   Sure the house we live in now needs "stuff."   It was built a few decades ago.... OK, half a century ago...there are things that need some updating.   We simply could.not.wait. to move in the house, despite what it "needed."   There were a few times where we did stop and we had a few conversations with our next door neighbors.  They seemed great.   I was leery at first, to be honest.  After we lived the almost 5 years of hell in our old house, it was almost too good to be true.    The day we moved in, they delivered a wagon with a crock pot....  chili and other goodies for us.   They had originally offered to help us move, but couldn't because of a surgery that had them preoccupied.  I couldn't quite understand why complete strangers would help us move into our house.   We had friends to help us, but it's not like everyone was beating down the door to help us move.   2 1/2 years later, it doesn't seem weird at all.  They really were that awesome.

Pretty much right away, they were great with talking to KT.   They had many grandchildren, older than KT, and really could relate with her.   By the time that summer rolled around after our move, KT was 1 1/2 and was "cute."   They'd always comment on her fancy shoes and she learned pretty quickly they were making a fuss over her; something to which she's pretty accustomed in her little life.  :-)

Things really changed around the time KT turned 2 and she was starting to talk more and more.   Often times, Mac and Steph (Mac is the name that KT gave him, so it stuck) would need some help from me to understand her, but she just loved that they were so interested in whatever she had to say.   KT quickly found out it was fun to visit because they often had grandkids there (who were all older, but she loved them all), played games with her, had toys for her that were different from the toys she had at our house and they always had food.....   fruit, freeze pops, chips in a cup...whatever.   They always treated her like a "big person" and she loved it.   It was like she had another set of grandparents, right next door.

While I was pregnant with Avery and getting ready for my sister's bridal shower, Steph asked if KT could come with them to go to the Fulton and see their version of "The Little Mermaid."  I was hesitant to let her go because I didn't know how KT would do and I didn't want her to ruin it for Steph or her grandkids.  It turned out, she did fantastic and that was the start of their "excursions."   Most of last summer, KT's extra carseat stayed in Steph's car.   They went to the "cafe" (Usually friendly's, but sometimes other diners) to get Mickey Mouse pancakes and lemonade.   Sometimes, Steph would take KT to the grocery store and just let her pick out random things.   It was always a treat to see what she chose....   funny how chocolate donuts and watermelon ALWAYS found their way home, though. :-)  They would go other places to run errands as well.   It was great for me to get a few things done around the house.  With BK on the road and a full time job, it was great for both of us.   She absolutely LOVED her time next door.     Mac always called KT his "Best friend that's a kid."

Each morning, (depending on how early or late I was), we'd see Steph leave or get to talk to Mac (if we were REALLY late).   KT would ask as soon as we got home EVERY time if they were home or asked where they were if their cars were not on the driveway.   After BG was born, the little trips were even more welcomed and appreciated by both KT and me.    BG was a mess of colic hell and KT wasn't getting the attention she used to get from me.   Both of them made a fuss over KT EVERY time they saw her and usually only talked to BG whenever KT wasn't around.   They knew that BG wouldn't know one way or the other and that it would mean so much to KT if they continued to show her the same attention.

I believe it was around March or April of this year that we got the news that they were putting the house up for sale.   KT was almost 3 1/2 and I knew she didn't quite understand what was about to happen.   Part of me wished that it wasn't going to happen.   I would be fine, myself, but how in the world would I explain this to KT?

As time went on, it became more evident that it was going to actually happen.  Every new house that was being built she saw, KT asked if that was their new house.   I think she had an idea, which made it a little easier to explain for me.   About a week before everything was final, KT was on the swing set and they were packing up things into the car of one of their friends.  KT started crying.   I asked what was wrong and she said, "I'm going to miss Mac and Steph so much."   I didn't know what to do or say.  I couldn't make that better.   It wasn't like a she skinned her knee... a Dora bandaid won't help.   It wasn't like she bent the corner of her puzzle piece....  scotch tape won't make them stay like it fixed the puzzle.

Her 3 year old heart was broken.   Granted, she's 3 and they're pretty resilient, but still....this sucked.   Maybe a small part of the move made me sad b/c it was such a stress relief for me at the most needed time.   I knew that they were there any second I needed anything (not that I actually called on them often, but just knowing that they were if I had called is comforting).

So what does this have to do about my crappy playing on Monday night?   They had settled Monday afternoon.   The house now belongs to a newly divorced woman.   Blake said it best, "That woman could offer us $1,000,000 and I'd still be pissed that she's there."   It's true.   Steph stopped by last night to give us something to give to the new neighbor, and KT was kind of moody.   I'm not sure if she was moody because she doesn't get what's going on or if it was just because she was tired and being moody is acceptable when you're 3 1/2.

I knew that being a mom was going to be hard.   I was going to have to give up going out whenever I wanted, give up sleeping in late, give up watching what I want on TV, going out to eat whenever I wanted....    I no longer get to play on my damn iPad because KT has to play Sims.   I can't really sit down at ALL right now because BG wants me to hold her every other minute.   Spending money on fun things all of the time is not happening because we need diapers and formula and to pay for preschool.   Sure, all of that is to be expected.   However, I don't know that we can properly prepare for that exact moment where your kid's heart hurts (for whatever reason) and you JUST.CAN'T.FIX.IT.  Nothing hurts my heart more than when something hurts my kid.   Not the temper tantrum because she wants "1 more show" or a juicebox when I told her it's time for her to drink milk.....  The true, deep down hurt that is not easily forgotten or fixed.

Sure, KT's going to be fine....we're going to be fine...  Everyone will still stay in touch.   Things won't be quite the same as being next door.....    Soon the new normal will become old hat and it won't sting as much....  But eventually, there will be something else that will "break" her heart that I won't be able to fix....   I guess that's the way it goes.   It's not only part of the "Mom gig," but it's also part of "life" and a lesson for KT.

Until that next time, I'll be thankful for the stuff in between and always grateful for Mac and Steph.  Thanks for being so awesome to my little girl.   I can still remember neighbors that lived on my block growing up (and they didn't do a fraction of what you guys did for KT).

KT, not cooperating.  Sending a "get well soon" message after Mac's knee surgery.

She loved this man and his "whistle" (pipe).

A kiss from Steph

KT's toys in the tree...  

KT's chair, in the garage

I couldn't keep her out of their pool last summer

Occupational Hazard #6 - A new "cool"

I got the idea for this blog after seeing a Facebook status message.....   I had been trying to come up with something profound enough for the blog for a few days, and after reading it, it was perfect.

A Facebook friend announced that her (soon to be 2 year old) daughter went pee in the potty.   This little girl shares a birthday with BG, and part of me can't believe that this time next year, we could be experiencing this same feat.  However, that's getting off course.  A friend of her's commented on her status something to the nature of, "What happened to us?  We used to be cool and now we're getting excited over things like peeing in the potty."   She answered that she's still cool, she's just "mom cool."

My response was, "there's no cooler cool than being mommy cool, either!"

KT is 3 1/2.....   seems like forever ago when we could sleep as long as we wanted to sleep on the weekends.   We'd eat dinner when we wanted, where we wanted, with whom EVER we wanted.  We hung out with friends at our house, at their house, at the bar, at a party, in a different town or even state.   We new all of the songs on the radio, the new album from which they were released, when that artist was going to be in concert and probably had tickets to the show.

I was at karaoke at least 2 nights a week.....   part of a couple softball teams.....  played pick up basketball on saturday mornings.......  I even was part of a bowling team.

I had the coolest orange 2 door cavalier.

It was nothing for me to go to 5 Orioles game in a season.

Our money was spent fixing up our house.....  a brand new kitchen and deck that was perfect for entertaining friends and family (ok, so it was in a town that we didn't like, but we put a lot of time and effort into that little house).



I was cool.

Or so I thought..............

I traded the cav in for a minivan (ok, so BK drives the minivan, but it still has my license plate).  It's even got a Natty Boh family on it.

So we're not going to see Kenny Chesney or Brooks and Dunn or any of the big country acts these days......    We've changed "gears" and now I'm an official "Mover Mama."

I haven't seen much karaoke recently.....   instead, we have opted for fire pits and dance parties in our kitchen......    We don't stay up too late, because we all know that the early birds at Dutch Wonderland get to ride the most rides before the crowds come:

We don't have new kitchen cabinets and countertops......   our bathrooms have vinyl floors..... the deck out back has seen better days, but our backyard has a swingset that took MONTHS to find.   I do believe that we spent more time planning the perfect swingset than we spent planning out the kitchen in our previous house.

It's a "cool" club that you never truly understand until you've got monsters of your own and can experience it first hand.   Yes, this cool club includes the following:

• crying (both by the kids and the parents)
• tantrums (again, both by the kids and the parents)
• lack of sleep - includes in the middle of the night, late nights, early mornings
• poop
• puke
• laundry
• dishes
• there will be a fight regarding food, clothes, bath, bedtime, brushing teeth, wearing shoes, playing with toys, putting toys away and a million other things on a daily basis
• colds/ear infections/rashes
• $$$ spent on formula (if you're lucky, it's the hypo allergenic type), diapers, wipes, daycare, clothes, toys, more clothes, baby gear, baby food, camps, pre-school, activities
• kids going through "stages" that cause any combination of any of these symptoms
• stopping for a few quick errands is no longer an option
• chasing babies and kids up steps, down steps, in corners, in closets, under beds, across the street, through the store, in the minivan, in church, etc etc etc
• scheduling everything around naps, poops, feedings, full moon, crowds, etc etc etc
• failure to go to the mall alone
• failure to go to the grocery store alone
• failure to go to the bathroom alone
• failure to have a minute to yourself
• you will be frustrated out of your mind on more than one occasion

Yes --- that's what you hear (especially as your kid is throwing the world's most awesome temper tantrum or just puked all over you) from people that don't have kids.   These people gladly hand your baby back to you after she's pooped the titanic in her diaper and say, "well you have fun with that....  we're going to head out to the bar."

OK, that's cool....you enjoy your night out on the town.....  enjoy sleeping in tomorrow morning too!   

I'll enjoy this:

And this:

And this:

And this:

And this:

And this:

Proving that "There's no other cool than being mommy cool!" 

p.s. - Thank you to Lauren and Amira for the blog idea!

Occupational Hazard #5 - Disney Movies don't only teach lessons to children

This is the first post from the new iMac.   I almost feel cooler....  it's like I've become more blogger-ific...

Anyway, back on topic.  Disney Movies.  Being female and the oldest of 3 girls growing up, we sure had our share of Disney films.  I'm a bit sheltered when it comes to movies in general, and I've barely seen most of the "typical" movies most of the world has seen.  I'm not a big movie buff, but BK definitely is....  I find a movie that I like and watch it a million times.   I stick to what I like...I guess.

Being a mom is like that.........times infinity.  I have seen the Little Mermaid more than I'd ever like to admit.   Beauty and the Beast tunes echo in my head deep into the night.   The Chipettes and Chipmunks are part of our every day lives.    There are some days, despite what the "right" parenting book says, that those movies provide a few moments of sanity for parents.   A few moments to clean up the kitchen, feed the baby, fold some laundry or even huddle in the corner to waste a few minutes on the computer....  they're a godsend.

This weekend, I took the movies to a new level.  My sister had taken KT to see The Lion King last fall.  She was definitely more interested in the popcorn than the movie, but lasted for most of it and she really had a good time.  I really wanted to take KT to see that movie, but we were in the midst of newborn/infant colic hell (a blog that I haven't conjured up enough courage to write), so I was very thankful that my sister took her.   It was a "big girl" thing to do and it made her feel special at a time where she needed it.  The new Disney princess movie just came out on Friday.  I figured that I could stomach Brave because it was about a Scottish girl with CRAZY Fiery red curly hair, who was not the typical "princess" like Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White (yawn).  I was anticipating a Tangled type flick...(Tangled is BY FAR the best princess movie in my opinion.   It actually has some really humorous parts).  

On the way to the movie theatre, she asked a million questions.   I could tell she was excited, which made me happy.   We got our tickets and our popcorn (really the main reason she agreed to the movie), and were on our way.  We picked 2 seats in the front of the middle section, I figured in the event we needed to bust out of the joint, we had a good escape route.  After many commercials, previews and a mini cartoon, the movie started.  About 3 minutes into the movie, she had finished her popcorn and was ready to go.  It started out pretty slow and had lost her interest right off the bat.   She started to have trouble sitting still, so I asked if she wanted to sit on my lap.  She did and stayed there for the remainder of the movie.

**Spoiler alert***  (but seriously, if Disney movies hold you at suspense and you're really concerned about spoiling them, you need some other things to worry about in your life).

We're watching the movie and it turns out to be a mother/daughter struggle.  Mom wanted Merida to act like a princess/future queen and Merida had no desire to live that life or role.   Merida gets a witch to cast a spell on her mom that turns her into a bear.  The whole dramatic struggle finds them realizing that Merida was wrong to do that to her mother and her mother was wrong to put these tough expectations in place for her little girl.  

Cue the heartstring tug.....

I sit there, holding my baby girl (who was quite scared at certain parts of the movie) and thought that this was the perfect token first mother/daughter movie to watch together.   Of course, she doesn't read between the lines.   She just saw that Merida's mommy wasn't a "human being" (her words to our next door neighbors) anymore because she had a spell on her.    She just wanted the spell to be broken so her mommy could be human again.  What was meant to be a fun, mommy/daughter afternoon turned into a mommy lesson.... Mommies have an important job.  We take care of the rug rats and we go through a ridiculous amount of demands, requests, temper tantrums, highs and lows.   We mold them and do our best to make them the best kid/person/adults they can be.  However, no matter what we do and how hard we try, our little girls (and boys) will be who they are and what they want to be.   We have to let that happen.  We have to let them be their own person.   We try to guide them and show them the way, but whether or not they do it is really up to them.

Damn you Disney for making me analyze this movie.    I was set to have a fun day, full of entertainment and excitement.  Instead, it became a moment that I realized that I can only do so much and from there, it's up to her.  It was that moment that I realized that I was grateful that we picked that movie as our first, but more thankful that she's 3 1/2 and we get her to ourselves for awhile yet.  Lord help me when that time comes...    I hope she doesn't put a spell on me.  I'm thinking that I already possess some bear-like tendencies.   :-)  

Occupational Hazard # 4 - The Circle of Life - Goldfish funerals.....

As a follow up to the previous blog, less than 12 hours after the purchase of Goldie and Lost and found, I was abruptly taken from sleepy dreamland to a confused state of consciousness.

It was roughly 6/6:30 AM when KT came into our room and said, "Mommy, sumpin's wrong with Lost and Found.   He's not swimming."  I managed to mumble, "OK, I'll check it out when I get downstairs, after I wake up."  I thought that he didn't look too spunky prior to going to bed, and doubting he'd be swimming in the morning.   I wasn't concerned about this now.... it was 6:30am.  The baby was still sleeping, therefore, I wanted to be sleeping as well.

What seemed like 10 minutes later.... KT was back.   "Mommy, Lost and Found is dead.   He's not swimming."   I was somewhat surprised she knew that he was "dead," but didn't open my eyes and said, "KT, I'll check it out when I get up.   It's still night night time, and I am tired."   The reply was, "LOOK, HE IS DEAD."  I managed to squint without glasses, half awake, to see she had her hand extended to my face and in it, a dead black goldfish.

"OH MY GOD, KT, FISH STAY IN THEIR BOWL! BK, SHE'S GOT THE DAMN FISH IN HER HAND!"   He stirs from sleep and orders her to throw it in the toilet.  I scream for her to wash her hands.   She's utterly confused...."Why does Lost and Found have to go in the toilet?   Won't we pee on him?"   The mound of things that I'm going to explain is exponentially getting more difficult to handle.  She does what she's told and has told EVERYONE that "Lost and Found is DEAD" since last Friday.

Unfortunately, Goldie has followed in her brother's footsteps and was flushed Tuesday ...  She hung out with us for a few days anyway.   I haven't gotten back to the store to purchase more 24 cent pets.... At least she's taking this "fish death" well, although she somewhat finds it humorous because we all chuckle every time she blurts out "Lost and Found (or Goldie) is DEAD."

The Goldfish bowl has been cleaned and now has clean water in it.....  just no fish.

Oh to be a kid...  their honesty is brutally honest, yet acceptable.   We spend half of our life covering ourselves and not saying it like it is.....   It's actually admirable and brave.

Occupational Hazard #3 - Truth - Your kids are hysterical, especially when they don't try it

I saw a bumper sticker once that said, "I like my dog better than I like most people."   I have a dog.  Well, I sort of have a dog.  She's a golden retriever.  She's 6.  She lives with my mom, dad and sister right now....   maybe forever?  I don't know.   My pup was definitely my baby.  She was our baby.   Then we HAD a baby.....  She was still a family member, but our job situation changed and my parents helped us out.... anyway, that's not the point of this story.   Dogs are comforting and it's rewarding to have this pup love you NO MATTER what.....     life is good.  life is fun...........then you have a kid.....     for me (and I'm an animal lover, I really am), the amount that I like my kid(s) more than most people, has grown exponentially in comparison to how much I liked Stoli more than I liked people.

Today, we got two goldfish.   Last week, my sister took KT to the school where we attended elementary school.   They were celebrating their annual festival....rides, games, food, etc etc.  Apparently, they had tried over and over to win a damn goldfish, and didn't succeed.  My sister asked, "Can we just buy one?"  The kid gave her a card for 2 free goldfish at a store near our house that specializes in all sorts of fish.  I'm sure she'll be glad to know that the fish cost 24 cents a piece at the store.  I am certain she paid at least $2 per game...ha.

We had to stop by the pharmacy to pick up KT's 700th round of antibiotic eye drops first.  On our way there, she asked if we were at the fish store.  I said we had to go to the pharmacy first, and then we'd go afterwards.   She said, "I'm going to name my goldfish........ ummmmm (I thought, this should be good) Goldie."  I said, "You get 2.  Are you naming them both Goldie?"

After about 2 seconds of thought, she said, "OK, I will name one Goldie and onnnnneeeeeee Lost and Found."     I repeated it as to confirm that's what she said..... she said, "yep."  My answer was, "OK.  They're your fish."

The good thing about this pet store is that they have all sorts of animals...reptiles..rodents...cats...dog...fish, so it's almost like a trip to a mini mini zoo....for free.... well, today it was 3 cents.  We got the 2 free fish, but had to pay the tax of 3 cents..........   which of course, I didn't have 3 pennies on me.   I handed the girl my debit card and she so graciously found 3 cents on her cash register....

We were out the door....with our new friends....Goldie and Lost and Found.

Random craziness that comes out of her mouth every day has me laugh and laugh.   I have been told that I'm a funny person, but I'm more of the "sarcastic comment/quick jab/peculiar funny" type of person.

3 year old kids are a type of funny that can not be duplicated/replicated/imitated.  This type of funny is worlds funnier than someone that makes an effort or tries to make others laugh.  Their innocence is more entertaining than any comedian out there.   The challenge is laughing when it's "ok."  Sometimes, they are being so damn sincere and the fact that we burst out in pure laughter is taken as an insult....     This is how I look at parenting (thus far...anyway)

First few months --  feed/wipe/burp/bounce/rock
Infant -- fun once they start to smile/crawl/play
Beginning Toddler - So cute/so fun
18 months - hell
Twos -- They say they are terrible, but I actually enjoyed them
Threes -- a constant negotiation, exhausting, not as easy to distract, tricky, but can be ridiculously rewarding and funny at the craziest times

To see some of the other funny stuff my KT says, be sure to follow her on Twitter @k8e_kay

I don't always get to Blog about some of the stuff she says, so I try to Tweet a crazy phrase or 2 as they surface.

Occupational Hazard #2 -- I ain't as good as I once was.......

Dear Me,

Close your eyes..... let me remind you.....You are the "sporty" type.  You played softball and basketball since the age of 9 and both came naturally to you, although basketball was a sport that took you a little longer to flourish.  You've been on a number of all-star softball teams, have an extensive collection of trophies and t-shirts and championship titles.  You've got a state medal and were part of an awesome high school basketball team as a junior.

All of these things required some natural talent, but also required a great deal of time/effort to accomplish any of this.  Basketball was demanding.  6 days a week from November through March, summer leagues, open gyms and weight lifting on the off season to prepare for the next year.  You played through shin splints, broken fingers, torn ligaments in your hand and various other bumps and bruises acquired on and off the court.  Taking a charge and drawing the hard fouls were just the "fuel" needed to bump us up to the next level and excel during games.  We would dive for balls in the outfield and slide into bases as if we were on slip and slides.

We'd wear eye black and taped our shirts to look tough.  A certain color bandanna, headband or braid in our hair showed team unity and wearing socks to our knees or bright red cleats when your colors were maroon and gold or purple and gold, appeared "cool" because we could "walk the walk" and not just run our mouths.  We were muscular and tone and strong (and in the summer, tan :-)  ).  We wore 15 lb vests and ran up and down bleachers in the gym or stadium, PEP drills, suicides, 6 in/6 out, 5 on 5 transition or had our weight training coach pile on weight and weight and weight and then make us do grueling leg presses, biceps, triceps, EVERYTHING...

After the game, there were newspaper and sometimes TV reporters to talk with us.   The crowds were insane and pumped everyone up just at the right time.  We'd sign autographs for the little kids that wanted to "be like us" when they got to high school.   They'd talk about the awesome blocks in the paint, hook shots, 3 point shots from the wing, full court press, etc etc.....  or maybe a diving catch, throwing a runner out at home (Then screaming "joanie's got a gun" at the top of my lungs), hitting a game winning double, or even better, home run....

Now, do me a favor.   Anyone out there....  PUNCH ME IN THE FACE AND TELL ME TO WAKE UP AND REALIZE THE YEAR IS 2012 AND NOT 1996.  I AM 32 (soon to be thirty fricken three years old)!

Life has changed a bit since then.   You have 2 kids now.  You do not have time to spend 20 minutes a day working on ball handling skills, because kids need fed, kids need baths, kids need to play, kids need a movie, kids need puzzles, kids need to puke all over you, kids need to bounce, kids need to have lunches packed, kids need clothes washed, you get the idea.

I am not asking to have that craziness again.   It was fun when I was 16, and life has evolved into the person I am today.  Part of who I am today was formed and molded out of that 16 year old girl.   However, is it seriously too much to ask to have a fraction of these past abilities for ONE HOUR A WEEK EACH MONDAY NIGHT?


Give me wind and legs and jump shots and hook shots like the days of old.   Set up a trap, we need a cutoff person....   If people come out playing man against us, give me the ability to remember some good old fashioned motion offense.  Slide my feet, shuffle on D, hedge through screens.....

Instead, Mondays are more like:

• Our game is when? 8:30??  I just got comfortable in my sweats.   What the hell am I going to do in a few weeks when we play at 9:30.
• left handed hook.............. why the hell did I even attempt that
• fast break.....  brain, tell legs to get moving...legs aren't moving.....    they score...now I'm there.... shit,  we gotta run back the other way.
• Playing down low...in comes the ball....get ready to block..get ready to block.... she shoots, I jump..... I shoulda gone to the bathroom before I started playing the game...
• I used to have pretty good hands.......  now, not so much
• I got kneed in the ass THREE MONTHS AGO and it hurts to sit down.  So much for playing with multiple injuries and through the pain.
• I get home and still have to clean up the house, take out the trash (got lucky today, hubby was home this afternoon and did that for me), put monsters to bed (Grammy got them down for me tonight though), pack lunches, shower and do something with my hair so I can look presentable for the next morning.....
• When KT comes to the games with me, half of my time on the court is trying to rebound and half of it is trying to listen to her from the bleachers.   She needs to go to the bathroom or she's thirsty and needs a drink.....   Sit down kid, Mama needs to box out.
• I wear my arm band to look cool.............. I look like a dope.... a dope that can't make a jump shot and is wearing an arm band.
• We say "it doesn't matter that we don't win..........we're having fun." That's typically the stuff that comes out of the mouths of people that don't win anything.  ha.   We do still have fun though.

What's funny is that I feel like I work harder now....I never get a second to waste any time while the kids are awake.  When I finally get them to sleep, I should be doing other stuff, but I'd rather waste time............ making myself stress out tenfold when things aren't done and I need to feed kids or get out the door in the morning......  

So, the moral of this story is that my body must take heed to this advice and let me have 1 hour of glory a week..........the rest can go to my kids, my job, my husband, my house....whatever.  Just let me think that I'm still tone, still strong, still athletic and still have a clue.........   

Love, 

Me