A group of friends and I play basketball on Monday nights (our season is now over, but will resume again after the holidays), and this is a night for us to get out of the house and pretend we're not old, pretend we're in shape, pretend we are still cool and to NOT stress about the day to day things that clog our brain. It's a welcomed night out and sometimes is more stressful to actually accomplish getting out of the house depending on what else is going on, but I'm glad to be a part of it...even though our team is terrible.
Anyway, this is my night to NOT stress about being a mom and to let loose and have fun. I knew we were playing a tough team and I had to get my head on straight on the way there. Sure, it's summer league and meant for fun, but these teams are no joke and I have fun either way, but I have *more* fun when I play well too.
I just couldn't do it. I couldn't get into the game. I couldn't get "mad." Even my teammates noticed that I was apprehensive and aloof. My mind was preoccupied. My brain was working OT trying to find a way to "fix" a problem. Katie watches the Imagination Movers and their job is to come up with a solution to their "idea emergency." They make it look so simple.
When we lived in our last home, we were plagued with the worst next door neighbor on the planet. Inconsiderate, rude, overbearing, you name it. OK, so maybe she wasn't the worst, but she sure as hell wasn't pleasant. It was hot and cold with her. There were times where we'd be cool, but that was always something that would change at any time, for any reason.
After we had a contract on our current house, we literally drove by every day. Most times we'd just keep passing through, but sometimes we'd park on the driveway and swell with anticipation. Sure the house we live in now needs "stuff." It was built a few decades ago.... OK, half a century ago...there are things that need some updating. We simply could.not.wait. to move in the house, despite what it "needed." There were a few times where we did stop and we had a few conversations with our next door neighbors. They seemed great. I was leery at first, to be honest. After we lived the almost 5 years of hell in our old house, it was almost too good to be true. The day we moved in, they delivered a wagon with a crock pot.... chili and other goodies for us. They had originally offered to help us move, but couldn't because of a surgery that had them preoccupied. I couldn't quite understand why complete strangers would help us move into our house. We had friends to help us, but it's not like everyone was beating down the door to help us move. 2 1/2 years later, it doesn't seem weird at all. They really were that awesome.
Pretty much right away, they were great with talking to KT. They had many grandchildren, older than KT, and really could relate with her. By the time that summer rolled around after our move, KT was 1 1/2 and was "cute." They'd always comment on her fancy shoes and she learned pretty quickly they were making a fuss over her; something to which she's pretty accustomed in her little life. :-)
Things really changed around the time KT turned 2 and she was starting to talk more and more. Often times, Mac and Steph (Mac is the name that KT gave him, so it stuck) would need some help from me to understand her, but she just loved that they were so interested in whatever she had to say. KT quickly found out it was fun to visit because they often had grandkids there (who were all older, but she loved them all), played games with her, had toys for her that were different from the toys she had at our house and they always had food..... fruit, freeze pops, chips in a cup...whatever. They always treated her like a "big person" and she loved it. It was like she had another set of grandparents, right next door.
While I was pregnant with Avery and getting ready for my sister's bridal shower, Steph asked if KT could come with them to go to the Fulton and see their version of "The Little Mermaid." I was hesitant to let her go because I didn't know how KT would do and I didn't want her to ruin it for Steph or her grandkids. It turned out, she did fantastic and that was the start of their "excursions." Most of last summer, KT's extra carseat stayed in Steph's car. They went to the "cafe" (Usually friendly's, but sometimes other diners) to get Mickey Mouse pancakes and lemonade. Sometimes, Steph would take KT to the grocery store and just let her pick out random things. It was always a treat to see what she chose.... funny how chocolate donuts and watermelon ALWAYS found their way home, though. :-) They would go other places to run errands as well. It was great for me to get a few things done around the house. With BK on the road and a full time job, it was great for both of us. She absolutely LOVED her time next door. Mac always called KT his "Best friend that's a kid."
Each morning, (depending on how early or late I was), we'd see Steph leave or get to talk to Mac (if we were REALLY late). KT would ask as soon as we got home EVERY time if they were home or asked where they were if their cars were not on the driveway. After BG was born, the little trips were even more welcomed and appreciated by both KT and me. BG was a mess of colic hell and KT wasn't getting the attention she used to get from me. Both of them made a fuss over KT EVERY time they saw her and usually only talked to BG whenever KT wasn't around. They knew that BG wouldn't know one way or the other and that it would mean so much to KT if they continued to show her the same attention.
I believe it was around March or April of this year that we got the news that they were putting the house up for sale. KT was almost 3 1/2 and I knew she didn't quite understand what was about to happen. Part of me wished that it wasn't going to happen. I would be fine, myself, but how in the world would I explain this to KT?
As time went on, it became more evident that it was going to actually happen. Every new house that was being built she saw, KT asked if that was their new house. I think she had an idea, which made it a little easier to explain for me. About a week before everything was final, KT was on the swing set and they were packing up things into the car of one of their friends. KT started crying. I asked what was wrong and she said, "I'm going to miss Mac and Steph so much." I didn't know what to do or say. I couldn't make that better. It wasn't like a she skinned her knee... a Dora bandaid won't help. It wasn't like she bent the corner of her puzzle piece.... scotch tape won't make them stay like it fixed the puzzle.
Her 3 year old heart was broken. Granted, she's 3 and they're pretty resilient, but still....this sucked. Maybe a small part of the move made me sad b/c it was such a stress relief for me at the most needed time. I knew that they were there any second I needed anything (not that I actually called on them often, but just knowing that they were if I had called is comforting).
So what does this have to do about my crappy playing on Monday night? They had settled Monday afternoon. The house now belongs to a newly divorced woman. Blake said it best, "That woman could offer us $1,000,000 and I'd still be pissed that she's there." It's true. Steph stopped by last night to give us something to give to the new neighbor, and KT was kind of moody. I'm not sure if she was moody because she doesn't get what's going on or if it was just because she was tired and being moody is acceptable when you're 3 1/2.
I knew that being a mom was going to be hard. I was going to have to give up going out whenever I wanted, give up sleeping in late, give up watching what I want on TV, going out to eat whenever I wanted.... I no longer get to play on my damn iPad because KT has to play Sims. I can't really sit down at ALL right now because BG wants me to hold her every other minute. Spending money on fun things all of the time is not happening because we need diapers and formula and to pay for preschool. Sure, all of that is to be expected. However, I don't know that we can properly prepare for that exact moment where your kid's heart hurts (for whatever reason) and you JUST.CAN'T.FIX.IT. Nothing hurts my heart more than when something hurts my kid. Not the temper tantrum because she wants "1 more show" or a juicebox when I told her it's time for her to drink milk..... The true, deep down hurt that is not easily forgotten or fixed.
Sure, KT's going to be fine....we're going to be fine... Everyone will still stay in touch. Things won't be quite the same as being next door..... Soon the new normal will become old hat and it won't sting as much.... But eventually, there will be something else that will "break" her heart that I won't be able to fix.... I guess that's the way it goes. It's not only part of the "Mom gig," but it's also part of "life" and a lesson for KT.
Until that next time, I'll be thankful for the stuff in between and always grateful for Mac and Steph. Thanks for being so awesome to my little girl. I can still remember neighbors that lived on my block growing up (and they didn't do a fraction of what you guys did for KT).
KT, not cooperating. Sending a "get well soon" message after Mac's knee surgery.
She loved this man and his "whistle" (pipe).
A kiss from Steph
KT's toys in the tree...
KT's chair, in the garage
I couldn't keep her out of their pool last summer
I want a Mac and Steph!!! They sound like great people, and I'm sure saying they will really be missed is an understatement. It sucks when our kids hurt like that, and if it hurts this much at age 3-4, I don't want to even think about what it's going to feel like for us as parents when they go through their first break-up or don't get a job they were really hoping for. Being a mom can definitely suck sometimes! Fortunately there are so many good moments that it usually makes the crappy ones worth it.
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