It has also taken me nearly 11 months to muster up enough strength and courage to discuss the topic, for colic is a debilitating condition, both physically and mentally. Truth is, I'm forever scarred and wish colic on no one (OK, maybe on some people - but only the parents, not the innocent little newborns). I hope to accomplish the following things with this blog entry:
- Raise colic awareness (lol)
- Provide a few laughs to those who have lived with the insanity
- Provide a few tips with what helped us survive
- Provide a few things a mother with a colicky baby would never want to hear
- Formally document some hellish days of BG's newborn-hood so that she can forever be indebted to me.
*Disclaimer - I do realize that there are really serious medical conditions that babies and parents have to endure and that colic isn't a life threatening condition. This is meant to provide a little humor because Lord knows that's what I had to use to get me through it. Oh, and PS - to a parent of a colicky baby, colic SEEMS like a life threatening situation at times.... :-)
My little BG will be 11 months tomorrow. 11 months. It's hard to believe that we were just getting things together this time 1 year ago. In some ways, it's like she's been with us forever. In some ways, it seems like the 11 months have gone by in a blink of an eye.... well, months 6-11 have anyway. Months 1-6 were like serving a prison sentence on some days. As terrible as that sounds, it's the God's honest truth. There was never a day that I wasn't thankful for my little girl, but there were many days where I wished she was just a little less, OK the complete opposite of cranky.
I could tell something was up within a few hours of her time outside of the womb. She clearly did not like to NOT be swaddled. It was brutal getting her hospital pictures taken because we had to unswaddle her to do so. We thought she was just cold. Maybe she was, but that wasn't the only culprit. She did pretty well in the hospital, but I think it's all a ploy. Just like that puppy is *SO* adorable in the pet store...until you get it home and it sh*ts all over your floor and eats every last article of clothing you have. The reality is, that baby is yours either way, but they sure fake you out at the hospital. All the nurses and your guests comment on how she's such a good baby and she sleeps so much.... until she hits that carseat and is off of the hospital property... then the fun begins.
We brought BG home on 9/10/11. It was kind of a whirlwind. People came to visit, KT was happy to have me home, we were supposed to go to a 30th birthday party for my sister, but just didn't get there. Shortly after sundown on 9/10/11, the crying started. I'm pretty sure that it didn't stop until 3/10/12. BK scooped her up and tossed her in the carseat. The Daddy/KT car ride always solved our problems when KT cried at night. He came home 45 minutes later and she was screaming more than when she left. Hmmm...maybe she's hungry. She would down 2-3 oz and then just start screaming again. Knees to the chest, wailing away.... Let's rock her.... screams. Let's walk around... screams..... stroller? screams..... That first night, she screamed for 5 hours, till it was time for another bottle....then screamed again.......then passed out. My guess is she got tired of screaming.
BK is a truck driver and is gone for a few days at a time, then comes home and then goes back out again. I was off for maternity leave, with an almost 3 year old and a baby that was not happy (for whatever reason). While his ears may have been saved of a lot of BG's screams, he got to hear my colic over the phone, sometimes 100s of miles away.
At 10 days old, I mentioned to the pediatrician that this screaming is insane. She would suck formula down like a crazy person and then scream as soon as the bottle was empty. Then she'd puke it all back up and scream until she fell asleep again. The Dr told me to put just a little rice in her bottle to help keep the formula down. The newborn nipples were too small and the formula got clogged. The nipples meant for rice were made for "sludge" type rice and the formula came out too fast. Cutting the nipple was a complete disaster. Screaming baby + non-working bottles = desire for 1 way ticket to Siberia.
Around 2 weeks, she had an episode where she choked on the rice, a reflux attack, where she stopped breathing. She kind of refluxed and stopped breathing and turned bright purple. Her head kind of shook back and forth (almost like a seizure). I was banging on her back to try and clear the airway and nothing. I called 911. While on the phone, I thought about the bulb syringe that was sitting on the sink. I tried to suction anything I could out of her throat. It made her gag and I guess she spit whatever was blocking up.... EMTs got here and she seemed fine. They asked me to do something to make her cry (gosh, that was about everything), so I changed her diaper and she screamed her little head off. The next day, I took her to the Dr. and they ordered the UPPER GI. They put her on reflux med.
Everything came back OK, but each Dr's visit pretty much consisted of BG screaming the entire way there, screaming inconsolably for the entire visit while KT wanted to play with toys and have me read books to her. All of the nurses looked at me with "Oh you poor thing" faces. The Drs and nurses kept telling me that at "4 months she'll be a new baby" and tried to keep me positive and let me know that I was doing all that I could at the moment. Sometimes these things have to "work themselves out." I do know they were all glad to see us check out each visit. We were an insane traveling circus and I was like a walking zombie between both kids and being on my own for the most part. I had several friends offering insight to try different formulas, gripe water, gas drops..... You name it. Everyone kept offering to help me in any way that I needed them to help. For the most part, I would let them do things with KT, but I just kept BG under my wing. Even though the colic was such a mess to deal with for those few months, I preferred that she was with me, instead of anyone else.
This picture pretty much sums up month #1:
All of these items produced the same result:
I see pictures of their toddlers/preschoolers holding their little siblings, cuddling with their siblings, etc etc. My house is full of pictures in frames that look like this:
We took BG to Roots (a local Farmer's Market) and to Giant when she was 5 days old. She didn't make a peep. She was tiny and spent her time in the Baby Bjorn. Going out with 2 was nothing! Why did people make such a big darn deal out of it?
Not much long after, this became our typical scene in the minivan...... KT was always such a great kid in the car......
After a month of formulas, gripe waters, reflux meds, moby wraps and lord knows what else, I broke down and bought the forbidden Dr. Brown Bottles. I had vowed never to succomb to that trendy hell. There were 25 pieces to unassemble, clean and reassemble after each feeding. They weren't cheap (but hell, she was on Alimentum formula, so the "budget" was far gone out the window) and I just didn't buy into the fact that this bottle was going to make my dreams come true. However, 1+ month of incessant screaming, I was willing to try just about anything. Babies R Us is literally 4.4 miles from my house and I could do this. I packed KT up, packed BG up, got in the van, drove 4.4 miles through the screams. Out of the van we hopped, KT wanted to pick everything off of the shelves while BG screamed in her car seat in the cart. I walked into the store, went directly to the Dr Browns, picked up 2 packs and turned around to check out. At least 3 people said, "Oh she must be hungry!" Seriously, like I'd torture my kid to take them shopping when they needed a bottle. My standard reply quickly became, "No, she's not hungry, she just hates to be awake." It was true. She would wake up, eat and scream.................... till she crashed and then she slept.... for a long time. I was fortunate in that regard. I've heard horror stories of colic babies that would sleep for 30 minutes a DAY. The tough part here was that BG would pretty much be up and scream till 530 or so and then KT would be up by 630. There was literally no rest.
When BK did get home on the weekends, he was wiped out and exhausted from working in the truck. One Friday night, I left to get some burritos for dinner (and enjoy a quiet car ride alone) and came back to find this:
I started to lose my mind at some point, to where I'd at least entertain myself through the madness:
We tried the car, the vacuum, the dryer, stroller, swing, walks, rocking, formulas, medicines, 3 brands of bottles, pacifiers, music, and I am sure a handful of other things with minimal to no success. I did find that she tolerated her bouncy seat and preferred to be swaddled. One evening, we were at my mother's for dinner and she was cooking with the exhaust fan on to clear out the kitchen air. I held BG and she fell asleep. Hmmm...
A friend of mine had a cranky babe and mentioned to me that she used to bounce him on one of those yoga/exercise balls. I knew that I had one because I actually had tried bouncing to induce labor. Little did I know that experience was a precursor to my life on the exercise ball.
Turns out that BG's "happy place" was this:
Sometimes, if I had her in the kitchen with the exhaust fan (from the stove) turned on, with the bouncy seat, she would doze off on her own. Other days, this was required:
But, MOST other days, it was me (or BK or one of our moms), holding a swaddled babe in our arms and bouncing (yes physically bouncing) up and down on an exercise ball. Sometimes I bounced on the ball, under the exhaust fan. It was the only thing that calmed the beast. It was back breaking and exhausting. It was frustrating that she just didn't EVER want to rock in the recliner. I never got to enjoy the baby sleeping on my chest. She had her own agenda and no matter what we did, it could not be altered.
There were some things that I was told or told myself every single day:
- I'm thankful to have this baby girl. Some people out there aren't as lucky enough to have children and would kill for this opportunity - screaming or not. I never let that out of my head, no matter how hard it was to hear that voice.
- THE BEST ADVICE I WAS GIVEN - from someone very special to me - "Just survive the first 6 months. Make sure you all eat, you're bathed, the house is somewhat functional and you get sleep whenever you are given the opportunity." I played it over and over and over and over in my head. The relayer of that statement had a very easy baby #1 and a very trying/screaming/colicky baby #2. The Dr's told me that by 4 months, BG would be a different baby altogether. The last thing I could handle was banking on that 4 month mark and having it last 5 or 6 or more. I knew that March 8th was 6 months.... I told myself March 8th...that's almost spring. My world will change and it will start to get warmer. It was a LOOOOOOONG winter. I hate winter and always look forward to spring each year - the anticipation for March was ten-fold this past year. I simply could not wait. I literally looked forward to paying the MORTGAGE each month because that was 1 month closer to March.
- BK's scheduled for a vesectomy in February. I know, never say never, but if that damn urologist does his job, we won't have to go through this ever again.
- I had the best Dr that had a screamer like BG. I thought about making appointments for BG knowing that there was nothing else we could do for her, but our pediatrician was like a therapist to me. I could hear her saying to me, "you're doing the best you can. this is tough to deal with and you're dealing with it alone most nights. IT.WILL.GET.BETTER."
- I had tons of friends and family out there that signed up for Similac coupons. OK, so she was on the most expensive over the counter formula out there, but the willingness of everyone helping made the blow a lot less of a hit.
- DAMN THAT BK. HA, well, kinda.... I am not going to lie that there were many nights that I wish I was in a truck, by myself on the road. This is 100% not true ..... considering I can't stand driving a minivan, there's no way in hell that I could stand driving a truck. But one thing is for sure, I was driving myself nuts in the house with "crazytown" and her big sis.
- People have to deal with illnesses/sicknesses/situations that are so much more serious than colic. I know of 4 people (yes 4) that have had to deal with still borns. I will always remember baby Layla Grace, who died of cancer and broke the hearts of all that followed her blog back in 2010. This is something that will "fix" itself. The challenge was to find out what worked for BG, to help her through it and make it as good as possible until she "grew out of it."
- I was allowed to get frustrated. Despite the fact that I knew in my heart that this would pass, it doesn't make those months any easier. I made sure that I took advantage of any time my mom or sister or BK offered to help out, hold the baby, do my laundry, do my dishes, cook me food, etc. Friends offered to bounce BG on the exercise ball. They brought me beer, iced tea, fountain sodas, treats and whatever else to keep me sane. No one or nothing would make the colic end, but they adapted me as I adapted for BG.
- AT LEAST I AM NOT PREGNANT ANY MORE.... This allowed me to work out, play basketball and drown myself in a beer, margarita or glass of wine on occasion. A margarita is good for the nerves. Trust me. I am not saying to drink a gallon. Have 1. You earned it.
- She won't sleep in her bouncy seat forever..... If the only way we can both get sleep is to have her in the kitchen, in her seat, so be it. I was less than 15 feet away, on the couch, enjoying the white noise from the exhaust fan. When we graduated from the kitchen, it turned into me carrying her bouncy seat and putting it inside her crib with the humidifier blaring in her ears. She slept in her bouncy seat INSIDE the crib until she was nearly 4 months old.
- I STILL HAVE A FULL TIME JOB TO GO BACK TO IN A FEW WEEKS!
Things I would say to someone with a colicky baby - RIGHT NOW:
- IT WILL GET BETTER! It doesn't seem like it and it seems like that day is so far away. Everyone will tell you this and you'll hate them for it. You'll hate those friends of yours with the perfect babies that sleep through the night at 7 weeks old. It's OK to hate them. I'd rather the cute kid that will grow out of colic over that alien looking, perfect sleeper baby anyway. :-)
- Listen to what others say, but only with a grain of salt. The truth of the matter is this - what worked for one screaming baby MAY or MAY NOT work for your screamer. You'll have the people that push you with "OH YA, YOU NEED TO DO ______" or "YOU NEED TO BUY _____" "DON'T DO _______, THAT NEVER WORKS..... THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED _____" Before you spend a fortune on 32 different types of nuks (I did and she won't take a single one), Dr. Brown bottles (I'm still pissed at those things), burning 30 extra gallons of gas a week on the CHANCE the baby may fall asleep in the car, use judgement to try things, but don't rely on that to be the end all and stress about it. What works for one kid, isn't guaranteed to work for yours. If they want to buy stock in gripe water and Dr. Brown, have a blast.
- LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. If you think that something just isn't right or something needs attention, speak up. Don't feel like you're bothering the Pediatrician or the nurses. That's their job. They have to listen to your baby cry for 30 minutes. You have to listen to the baby the other 23 1/2 hrs a day. If something doesn't seem write or if you have suggestions, push them.
- DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. If there was a way to prevent colic, they'd have us doing so while we were pregnant. They make us give up all sorts of stuff or feed us vitamin supplements to prevent defects, etc, but there's nothing out there that says "this will prevent colic 100%." Don't feel like you "caused this." Also, I actually felt more guilty about the fact that whenever she woke up from a nap, I was completely stressed and just wanted her to get to sleep again so peace could be maintained in the house. There was little to no bonding..... well, I thought this anyway. In reality, when you figure out things they like, you're bonding..... You just may not be cuddling with them or co-sleeping. The baby earns trust and starts to realize that you're "legit" and as time goes on, bonding happens.... It's definitely a different kind of bonding than with KT, but do not worry.... before you know it, she'll be 11 months old and clinging to your ever move. :-)
- If you are at your wit's end and have no one to help you or take the baby for a few minutes, put him/her in their crib or somewhere safe and walk away for 5-10 minutes. If the baby is going to scream in your arms, sometimes you just have to get a break... He/she will be fine for a few moments in a crib and you can gather composure. People roll their eyes about shaken baby videos and things you have to watch/sign in the hospital. Colic babies are no joke and you can't lose your head....... it's very easy to do so. One positive thing is that you REALLY become desensitized to crying. If KT so much as made a wimper, I had her scooped up in my arms. With a screamer (especially one that's not an only child), the entire "Cry - it - out" approach is MUCH easier to do and sometimes necessary to survive.
- You may not feel like you're bonding with your baby. I totally just felt like I was there for clinical reasons many times during those first few months. I was pretty sure she didn't like me. I didn't have the instant bond that I had with KT. I loved her and wanted to care for her, but I am not sure what she thought of me in return. Don't worry, before you know it, the baby will be 11 months old and you won't be able to put her down without major protest. The bonding will come.
While all of this is nice to hear......... It doesn't take the damn screaming away. That mama is exhausted (physically and emotionally) and may seem down and out. You listen to constant screaming for 6 months and let me know how happy and unstressed you are.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS SINCE THE DAYS OF COLIC:
- Considering, BG couldn't handle a 5 minute trip in the van to the sitter's house without screaming, at 9 months old, we took a 12 hr car ride (1 way) to IL and she was PERFECT both ways.
- BG went out to eat for the first time at 6 months old and did so with only minimal fussing/whining. We went to a local family restaurant, ate dinner and came home in 1 piece.
- At 10 months old, I managed to take both girls to a local kids' amusement park. Alone. Zero fussing and lots of fun. Something I never would have attempted prior to 6 months without medication.
- Since BG was a mess and just wanted to sleep, there was little to no interaction between the girls for so long. KT didn't want to touch, talk, look or have anything to do with BG. "Put THAT down!" (that = BG). She would say "BG is crying again and it's making me crazy."
- Walks.......I can put BG in a stroller and she actually likes it.
- When BG was almost 2 months old, we managed to strip KT of her nuk. Quite the accomplishment (KT was 2 1/2 and still used it for naptime/bedtime).
- KT was potty trained right at her 3 year birthday. Thanks to the help of our baby sitter and pediatrician. It was a little on the late side, but it's a miracle that KT isn't still in diapers at 3 1/2 considering how the BG's first 3 months went.
- Can take BG to the mall, grocery store, baseball game (we went tonight!), away on vacation
- At BG's 9 month appointment almost every nurse in the pediatrician's office commented on how they couldn't believe the turnaround from insanely cranky colic baby. Makes you feel good that you're not the pain in the ass of the practice anymore. Glad to pass that torch to some other new mama.
I do know that while we passed colic, the terrible 2's are coming. Mark this day on your calendar next year. I am sure we'll have many other things to discuss...
Like:
AND this:
;-)
O.M.G. Poor baby, Poor Mama, Poor sister (and Dad). I knew she had "colic" but I had no idea what you guys were going through. Glad to know you've made it to the other side. :)
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