We live in South Central PA and it's "fair season" here in these parts. My husband is from South Central IL and this is a new phenomenon to him. Well, not new anymore, since he's lived in PA for nearly 15 years or so, but it still is a concept he has yet to grasp.
Many of the "carnivals" or "fairs" around here are at Fire Companies. Some are larger than others. Some have rides. Most have games. They ALL have food. When I was a kid, I remember my mom taking us to the Tomato Festival in a teeny tiny river town, Washington Boro, PA. We used to play in the playground that was home to this fair other times of the year, but the Tomato Festival was definitely a momentous occasion. I can remember playing the games as a kid and probably getting some food and having a good time. There were no rides, but the games were pretty fun and it was a bonus if we could go with a few friends. Several years had gone by and I can remember going one year - I was probably 20-22 - with an old buddy from elementary school. We laughed that the people, played a few games, had good food...it was fun. This fair actually runs for 2 consecutive Saturday nights....they usually had a band.... It is always in the middle of July, so it's so hot you can barely stand it, but that's all part of it.
Our first year back in Lancaster (2010), we had KT -- at the time she was about 19 months old or so. I remember we went to the fair and she was too young to know what was going on, BK was not interested in this type of function and it was pretty much a dud. We got some food, didn't stay long and came back home. I was kind of upset that it wasn't the world's best time, but I figured that KT was still young...give it a few years.
We didn't go the year I was pregnant with BG (2011) or last year (2012) because it was not really an option because BG wasn't up to really doing anything yet at this point last year. I didn't want to torture myself. If I remember, the weather was rainy the one week and I think the other weekend, we were busy or I just didn't have the gusto to try to accomplish this task.
So that brings us to yesterday. 7.13.13. Here we are, a family of 4. A 4 1/2 year old experienced fair attendee and frequent flyer at both of our local amusement parks, Dutch Wonderland and Hersheypark. We've got a nearly 2 year old who has already hit her terrible twos, but can usually be pacified by some food and entertainment while in her stroller -- as long as we keep moving. A 39 year old father, fresh off back surgery, who has been having a REALLY difficult time, cutting short his already short temper and patience reserves. Me, an almost (gag) 34 year old mother, tired from staying up too late the night before with my cousin and friends, but hell bent on making this fucking Tomato Festival the whirlwind of a good time it was for me as a child.
The temp was about 98 with 150% humidity. I just got my hair done that day, and my hair dresser applied some extra good product to keep from frizz... this would surely put it to the test. BK had spent the majority of the day in bed. Firstly, he took the AM shift with BG....who had just been transferred to her toddler bed the night prior. She slept all night, but was up at 5:15 AM, ready to watch "T" (tv). He hung out with her until 7 AM, and then for the most part was in bed till my hair appointment at 12:45. At that point, BG went for a nap, so he lounged with our 4 year old until I got back. I got him out of bed shortly after 4 and we were packed up and on our way.
The place was packed (as expected), we strolled our way up this huge hill and I was sweating like a pig right away. KT saw a bounce house and wanted to bounce. $2 for that action and she bounced about 30 seconds and said she was "done." The girls convinced her to go back in b/c she had more time to bounce and she promptly came down the slide and catapulted about 10 feet, twisting her ankle. Enough of that action, it's not worth getting my "money's worth" of the $2, if we're going to spend the rest of the night in urgent care.
I'm STARVING at this point. I have nothing on my mind other than food. Katie wants to win a gold fish. She wants ice cream. I had fed them some food before we left, knowing that their choices at the fair wouldn't be what they typically would like to eat. Even so, we weren't starting out with ice cream. What would I have to fall on when the meltdowns started?
A big thing at these fire company fairs is chicken corn soup. It's my favorite soup. When it's made correctly, I would eat it till I exploded. Typically, the line for the ccs is out of control. The line wasn't that bad at the moment when we checked it out, I said "let's go." They had several windows for BBQ, hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken corn soup, etc. As I maneuver the damn stroller through the sea of people and on to my window (ccs), I grabbed 2. BK was supposed to stop and get a hot dog on the way, but he didn't. He wanted fries. They were in a different part of the building. Meltdown #1 started at that moment. This fair has been going on for 56 years. I am pretty sure they have the "logistics" planned out as to why they have things in certain places. However, they have a line for the main dishes, a line for the drinks, a line for ice cream and a line for the fries. I guess I don't think twice about it, because that's how it's been as long as I can remember. Instead, we get the dissertation from BK about how he hates the way it's set up and it's stupid that the fries are not with the food. Then KT starts..........."I want ice cream." BG is a sweaty mess and trying to unfasten her buckle. We pay for the soup (no hot dogs and go out to try and find a spot to eat. BK wants to get drinks for KT....the line only has ice tea.... luckily, I packed lemonade in a sippy cup....they each down their drinks in 11 seconds. I am trying to eat my soup quickly (as I burned off every last taste bud on my tongue) and BG REALLY starts to squirm and fight being in her stroller. BK is frustrated because now the fry line is a mile long, so he gets in line for a tomato sandwich. I thought about getting one, but then I saw it was $2.50 a sandwich.... screw that idea... I'll guzzle this boiling hot soup and grab ice cream.
As BK was getting his tomato sandwich (yes, I realize this sounds weird to folks who do not grow up around here, but it's quite normal to fellow Lancastrians), KT REALLY started to grow restless.... I'm shoveling my soup in as fast as possible...it's less hot now....or maybe my tongue is numb from the boiling soup. I'm trying to stay out of everyone's way, since it's a damn free-for-all with people pushing and shoving to get into food lines and game lines and to put their chairs down in a good spot for the upcoming concert. KT says "I want ice cream." Me: "Wait." KT: "I want a fish." I gave her $1 to try for a fish. I'm still trying to eat as fast as possible. She throws the damn ping pong balls at canon speed, not even getting close to winning a goldfish (totally not sad about that one). She threw the last ball and the lady asked her if she wanted to try again. "Yes," said KT.... I was like "woah woah -- we can try again later, let me finish my soup." She came back to me, whined for money for soup and a fish, and knocked into me. In slow motion, my soup went up into the air, and landed upside down on BG's head. Granted, most of it had been eaten and had cooled off...but there were still enough juicy, hot corn bits to land on my kid and make a hell of a mess. A quarter sized blotch of soup landed on KT's ankle. She SCREAMED like she'd been set on fire. People start looking, KT's screaming. BG's covered in soup and BK is screaming "WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED" as he inhaled his tomato/bacon sandwich. I'm practically in tears and thinking I burned my kids, pissed b/c that soup was REALLY good and realizing that we suck as a family when it comes to doing ANYTHING.
We got under a tree in some shade, I got ice cream for the girls and I continued to try my best to use diaper wipes on BG to try to clean her up.... I flipped out and said that it was pointless for us to even try to do shit like this. I see friends on facebook take their kids all over God's creation. They're at fairs, on trips, in restaurants, hiking, camping, etc etc etc etc etc.... I can't even go to a damn firemen's fair without a complete breakdown. I asked BK how his tomato sandwich was and I quickly got the 4-1-1 on how he didn't even remember eating the sandwich because it was in the middle of me dumping my soup on BG's head. All he could remember was both of the girls screaming and he tried to stuff the sandwich in his face as quickly as possible.
After MY temper tantrum, we all ate ice cream and seemed to forget about the fact that BG could have been baked into a corn fritter. We played a few games, got some tomatoes to take home and bought a piece of watermelon to eat there (which BG and KT wound up wearing)...at this point who freaking cared?
We were at the fair for less than 2 hours..... we all had a meltdown at one point or the other. We all ate food and some of us got to wear it. As always, I envision these nice family portraits. I see friends on fb post all of these perfectly posed pictures.... parents and kids on trips, at fairs, at picnics.... in other places but within their property borders.... instead, this is what we have to work with:
.JPG)
.JPG)
Ice cream makes A LOT of crappy things better....
.JPG)
KT didn't want to leave the fair. She wanted to play on a swing set that was insanely full of crazy fair folk and their dirty kids. We explained to her that we have a swing set at our house and her sister was covered with corn, but she didn't really care. This was the picture I took of her when we got home, when she was pissed we actually did leave the fair and came back home (where there IS a nice swing/play set out back).
We got back to the car....all sweaty, frustrated, covered in watermelon and corn. A few years ago, I thought that we only had 1 way to go (improvement) when it came to the tomato fest. Unfortunately, I failed again at reliving this wonderful childhood memory of mine. My nerves were shot. I couldn't handle more whining about leaving, more whining about the junk food she wanted to hear, frustrations about which lines served which food items, whining about BG wanting to get out of her stroller. The more I try, the more I freaking fail....
Less than 2 miles up the road, BK looks at me and said, "I think we should try to go again next week!"
He was serious..... I'm going to need a supply of Xanax and liquor......
